The Brunette Diaries

Mistakes that can ruin new love

Comfort levels differ in the initial stages of love. Understanding may be present in the relationship, but being able to perceive problems and personalities early, may be harder than you expect. Usually, couples tend to ruin new love by getting into things too quick. Let us look at a few common mistakes that couples make in new love:

Let your feelings develop and do not force them

Asking for help too often

You can ask him for help once in a while, but if you do it too often, you may make him question your intentions. He may believe you are taking advantage of him. Do not behave like he is your husband already, this will scare him away.

Double dates

Double dating can be fun to show off your new boyfriend. But if you keep doing this, he may misunderstand you. He may believe that you want him around just as eye candy.

Overdressing

Do not be a diva every time you meet him. Men perceive this as fake. In a new relationship, it is important to be yourself and not fake so he is not scared away.

Cribbing

Usually, women have a habit of setting things straight right at the beginning of the relationship so that they are not taken for granted later. Men are repulsed by women who crib about things they do even without knowing them that well.

White lies

At the beginning of a relationship, it is important to build trust steadily. You cannot expect him to trust you from the word go. As you build this trust, even the small white lies that you tell can ruin this trust.

Physical involvement

Be slow when it comes to committing to certain things. Do not be hasty when it comes to being physically involved. Be patient, show that you love him and not his body.

When it comes to new relationships, be sure to take things slowly. For you do not know what you rush in to.

Falling in love too fast?

There are times when the first time you seen him, you know he is the one for you. You get hooked up with him and before you know it you are getting serious. Time to slow down! Contemplate whether it is too risky that things have gone so fast. Love is clearly a risk, but letting it become an absolute blind risk is unwise. Taking your time and getting well-acquainted with the other person is the right way to go. Let us look at some pointers which may help you understand the risk of falling in love too quickly.

Analyze and scrutinize

Humans are the only species who can reason what they do. There is time to reflect on every decision we take. Only time will bring out our true personality hidden under the cloak of infatuation. Therefore, it is imperative that you take your time to decide whether he is right for you to share your love with.

Love is patient

If you are falling in love, then let time grow your securities. Giving a relationship time to blossom will only help it stay healthy and long lasting. If you wait, your partner’s weaknesses will eventually surface, and you will be in a better position to decide whether you are willing to accept them.

Love doesn’t happen at first sight, infatuation does!

There are some who are under the impression that love happens even at first sight. This is untrue. Falling in love has a lot to do with your heart and not with outward appearances. Appearance is only a trigger for you to be attracted to someone’s personality. And so, the next time you feel a certain good-looking person is good at heart, think again!

Falling in love is a risk. This is a given. But are you making this high risk, blind-sky-diving-with-no-parachute risk? Fall in love with your head and your heart! Not just your eyes!

Steps To Get A Guy To Fall In Love With You

Are you looking to hook up with a guy who you’ve had your eye on for quite a long time? You may not feel confident to approach him… well, there’s your problem, in fact. If he ever notices that you lack confidence, it can be a real turn off to any guy. While most claim that there is something called love at first sight, we beg to differ. He can fall in love with the way you look, and have a crush on you, but love you? Love is something more meaningful and the term has been thrown around wrongly too often.

(Also read – Signs that he is falling in love with you)

So here we look at steps in which you can build up your confidence to walk up to the man of your dreams and make him fall head over heels for you.

Love yourself

Loving yourself is the first step towards being loved. If he sees that you love the way you look, he’ll perceive you to be confident. Everything we see and read on television and magazines gives us an unrealistic perception of what our bodies should look like. Instead, learn to love yourself just the way you are, and he will too.

(Also read – Mistakes that can ruin new love)

Love everything you do

Any boy will be much more likely to fall in love with you if you love what you do and feel more positive about the things in your life. If you make it known that you’re happy pursuing your interests, work, or career, then he’ll be more inclined to want to get to know you.

Melroy Day, a 21-year-old I.T. student feels that, “The biggest sickness society suffers from is ‘what will people say’. A girl who could get rid of this unreal expectation of society and love herself will be much more attractive to me.”

Get his attention

If you want a boy to love you, then you have to look like a fun person to be around. 19-year-old Maargi Mehta opines, “Whenever a guy sees you, you should have a big but genuine smile on your face, do something different, be fun to hang out with.”

Body language

You don’t want to be friend-zoned, do you? It’s important to get your body language right and not send him the wrong message from across the room. This can involve eye contact, standing upright and not showing any signs of nervousness.

Show something special

If you have a special talent, portray it. Highlight your strength and hide your weaknesses. He’ll love how you are different from others when you show him some skill that you may possess.

(Also read – Falling in love too fast?)

Be mysterious

Don’t give him a chance to get to know you completely. Make him want to come back for more. Don’t tell him every story you know, make him want to ask you things. Don’t show too much excitement and he will long to hear from you!

You have to be patient. Love doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s surely worth the wait, because it is beautiful.

Mistakes that can ruin new love

Asking for help too often

Double dates

Double dating can be fun to show off your new boyfriend. But if you keep doing this, he may misunderstand you. He may believe that you want him around just as eye candy.

Overdressing

Do not be a diva every time you meet him. Men perceive this as fake. In a new relationship, it is important to be yourself and not fake so he is not scared away.

Cribbing

White lies

Physical involvement

Be slow when it comes to committing to certain things. Do not be hasty when it comes to being physically involved. Be patient, show that you love him and not his body.

When it comes to new relationships, be sure to take things slowly. For you do not know what you rush in to.

Is living-in before marriage a cool idea?

In Indian society, especially among the traditionalists, living-in may be considered as taboo, but many individuals from free spirited societies find it a convenient way of getting acquainted with their partners in a profound sense. But what do youngsters feel about this? Has the shift of western culture into the Indian subcontinent changed the way people perceive marriage? We met five youngsters and asked them if they would live-in with their partners before marriage. We requested them to keep the Indian culture aside while answering this and talk only based upon their personal morals. Let us take a look at a few snippets of what these youngsters had to say about this.

(Also read – Bollywood actresses who got pregnant before marriage)

Safana Abdul is a storyboard artist who is currently single and feels that the only factor that could influence whether or not she should live-in with her partner will be the potency of their commitment. “If I know that the commitment with my partner is strong enough for marriage, I wouldn’t mind living-in with him. But only if he gives me an assurance that he will marry me in the future. My family wouldn’t be alright with it, as generalised, but I would do what is fair and what I feel is right in the end.”

(Also read – Contemplating an arranged marriage?)

22-year-old student counsellor Divya Sajnani is currently single, but is open to the idea of living-in as well. “I think it’s a great idea. First of all, you get the sense of independence, away from family. Only if you stay with a person for a longer time will you get to know whether or not you are compatible with him, whether you will get bored of each other, whether common sense and logic will prevail in your decisions as a couple. There will be like a ‘preview’ to all these problems before you actually take the plunge into marriage, which is a big decision!”

(Also read – Steps to get a guy to fall in love with you)

30-year-old Jayavardhan Verma has been dating for about a year now and says that he is happy to have a girl who is open minded like him. “I think it is a great idea to live-in with my girl. She is quite open-minded and she would consider it if I would make such a decision. We aren’t too keen on getting married in the near future, so it is an option.”

Daisy Leivon too, was of the opinion that living-in is a great opportunity to explore interests and motives of your partner. “I totally believe that living-in with your partner is completely different from dating. You don’t know someone until you live with him. All the tolerance levels, interests, motives and everything else that comes with living together are put to the test, rather than just the promises that a couple make at the marriage altar.”

(Also read – Mistakes that can ruin new love)

So we’ve had four liberalist points of view which say a lot about how things have changed here in India. The fifth interviewee, however, was one who was quite firm about his beliefs and morals and says that he will not compromise in this area. Aakash Parekh was strongly opposing the idea of a live-in relationship. “The institution of marriage is sacred. Its purpose cannot be defeated by impatience. Marriage is something you have to wait for and treasure, not something you practise for with a partner and then give it a try! Marriage is special. I would never want to lose the essence of marriage by living-in with someone. My wife is going to be the only one with whom I will live… not my girlfriend. I’m sorry; my girlfriend doesn’t have my consent to live with me. If she loves me, she will have to wait to marry me! If she doesn’t have the patience to wait, then she probably never was the right girl for me.”

With most people living a life of compromise, based on what they feel is right and not what ethics have taught them, it is hard to draw a line of morality. But in the end, who am I to draw a line? Or who is anyone who spoke here? Everyone has freewill, but I would only put in a proposal for everyone to weigh out the pros and cons of anything before they jump into it.